It is unavoidable for the family that has more than one child to have kid fight. Often times parents have to be the judges. It’s getting more complicated as the situation goes bye. In some families, children may think that they are treated unfairly by favoring one over the other. This is the beginning of brother-sister’s jealousy. Let see an example.
Thon, 7, is the oldest child in the family, any is in second grade. He has a younger sister, 2, is going to be in kindergarten. Their parents are worried of him being quiet, protesting, and like to fight with his sister. They observed that this has happened for over 3 years, at exactly his sister’s age. They believe that the cause could be hime being jealous over his younger sister.
When Thon was born, he was raised by his grandmother. He used to get sick often and cry a lot. He had never let anyone hold him except his grandma. Often times, his grandma held him and fall asleep together. His mother could not bear this problem and worried but nothing she could do because she had to carry outside work. She came home late as the father stayed late at work. Therefore, his grandmother always let him do whatever his wanted.
When his sister was born, his mother decided to take a year of maturity leave to look after her children herself. She wished to get closer to the kids. At the time, Thon was in the first year of kindergarten. Their relatives took turns coming by to visit her new born baby, Theoy. Everybody seemed to be excited about the little girl, but Thon rather ignored. He often protested against is mother but sometimes listened to his father.
When the little girl learned how to walk, if Thon was playing with toys, Thoey liked to grab those toys from her brother. And for that, Thon liked to yell at his little sister and grab the toys back. Sometimes he hit his sister, and she cried. When their mother asked what was going on, he gave and excuse that he was playing with the toys first.
This issue continued and drove the mother crazy especially when Thon liked to talked back. This ended up with her being in bad mood and told him to get out of sight.
Thon told me that he was bored of studying and worried about his grandma who is now really old and may get sick. He added that he did not like his mother blaming on him and was not sure if his mom loves him but he assured that she loves his younger sister more than him. He sometimes looks at his old pictures taken when he was young. He notices that mom never smiled when holding him unlike how she treats Thoey with laugh and smile. Thoey usually likes to annoy him and tell mother on him. He confessed that he doesn’t want to have a young sister.
His being jealous occurs from many reasons. One incidence arises from fragile relationship between and his mother. He is not assured of his mother’s love. When he has a younger sister, he could compare the attention given by his mother with his sister. Besides, brother-sister fight also put more loads on the matter. Thon doesn’t realize his mother’s love because he is too young to think about it logically. His mother wishes to make it up to what she has missed in the situation. She realizes that Thon opposes against her because of his being so jealous to his sister and thrives for his mother’s love.
What the parents should do ?
They ought to manage what they have missed in their duty at the first place. They must start revising their love upon Thon and begin new relationship with him. They may need to take turns to participate in activities with Thon and share him some fun and give him advice whenever he needs it. Don’ t expect much sacrifice out of him at first. When the undesirable incidence occurs, listen to his explanation first before making judgments. If both of them cannot get along, separate them at play. If there is a use of force, there shall be penalty for it. Time out fits perfectly with this situation. Kids tend to obey this rule if they have been told before.
Three months later, Thon still works against his parents slightly. Even though he sometimes yells at his younger sister, and hardly persuades her to play with him. However, his relationship with his mother is better. One day, when he rode a bike near the house, Thoey accidentally fell on the ground and cried, he took off the bike and ran to help his sister. His mother then became realized in tears that deeply inside he loves his sister too.
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